Breakups are often painful, leaving us wondering, “How long does it take to get over a breakup?” The answer is different for everyone, depending on factors like the length of the relationship, the emotional connection, and personal coping strategies. While time frames may vary, comprehending the emotional stages of healing and learning practical steps for recovery can help make the process easier.

Psychologists suggest that breakups can trigger a grief response similar to losing a loved one. In fact, brain imaging studies show that the areas of the brain associated with physical pain are also activated during heartbreak. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, explains that breakups can cause intense emotions because the same parts of the brain responsible for reward and pleasure become active when we’re in love, which makes separation feel painful.

The emotional stages of a breakup often resemble Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, these stages aren’t linear, and people may move back and forth between them. Each person’s process through these stages is unique, as some may experience intense emotions early on and gradually find peace, while others may feel numb at first and struggle later.

Breakups can also impact self-esteem and lead to attachment wounds, especially for those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles. According to attachment theory, people with insecure attachment styles may find it particularly difficult to move on, as they may experience a heightened sense of abandonment or a fear of being alone.

Overcoming a Breakup

1. Allow Yourself to Grieve Fully

Healing from a breakup takes time, and it’s essential to allow yourself to feel the pain. Suppressing emotions can prolong the recovery process. Take time to cry, journal, or talk to a friend about your feelings. For example, if you feel angry or sad, let yourself experience those emotions without judgment. Allowing yourself to grieve will help you process the loss and prevent unresolved emotions from lingering. It’s okay to feel heartbroken, and giving yourself permission to grieve is a crucial step in the process of healing.

2. Concentrate on Self-Care and Physical Well-Being

Emotional pain can take a toll on your physical health, so practicing self-care is crucial during this time. Hire in activities that promote physical and mental wellness, such as regular exercise, getting enough sleep, and eating nutritious foods. For instance, try taking a daily walk outside or practicing yoga to reduce stress. Self-care can also include pampering yourself with activities you enjoy, like reading, cooking, or spending time in nature. Prioritizing your well-being will give you the energy to cope with the emotions that come up.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries with Your Ex

Going “no contact” or limiting contact with your ex can give you the space you need to heal. Constant communication or checking their social media can reopen wounds and prevent you from moving on. Consider removing or muting your ex from social media platforms and deleting their phone number to reduce the temptation to reach out. Establishing boundaries allows you to refocus on yourself and avoid unnecessary emotional setbacks. Boundaries can also help you gain clarity and rebuild your sense of self without the influence of your ex.

4. Reframe Negative Thoughts and Self-Blame

After a breakup, it’s common to experience self-doubt and negative thoughts. Try to challenge these thoughts and reframe them in a positive way. For example, instead of thinking, “I wasn’t good enough,” remind yourself, “This relationship wasn’t meant for me, and that’s okay.” If you catch yourself ruminating on what went wrong, refocus on the lessons you’ve learned and how you can grow from this experience. Positive self-talk can boost your self-esteem and help you release feelings of guilt or regret.

5. Rediscover Your Passions and Interests

Use this time to reconnect with hobbies and interests that you may have neglected during the relationship. Hire in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. For example, if you love painting, spend time creating art, or if you enjoy hiking, research new trails. Pursuing your passions can help you build a sense of identity outside the relationship, boost your mood, and give you a renewed sense of purpose. Rediscovering what makes you happy will help you feel whole again and open up new possibilities.

This photo is used to represent break up.

6. Surround Yourself with Supportive Friends and Family

Reaching out to loved ones can provide comfort and remind you that you’re not alone. Let them know you’re going through a tough time and ask for their support. For example, spend a weekend with close friends, have a movie night, or join a group activity. Surrounding yourself with positive people can improve your emotional well-being and help you process the breakup in a supportive environment. Friends and family can also offer fresh perspectives and provide reassurance during moments of doubt.

7. Practice Gratitude and Concentrate on the Positive

Shifting your guide to gratitude can help you appreciate the positive aspects of your life. Try keeping a gratitude journal where you write down things you’re thankful for each day. For instance, you might write about a supportive friend, a beautiful sunset, or a new opportunity at work. Practicing gratitude can improve your mood, reduce stress, and promote a more optimistic outlook. Concentrating on what you have, rather than what you’ve lost, can help you find joy in the present moment.

8. Set New Goals and Plan for the Future

A breakup can feel like an ending, but it’s also an opportunity for new beginnings. Take time to reflect on what you want to achieve moving forward. Set goals that excite you, whether it’s advancing in your career, learning a new skill, or planning a trip. Break down your goals into small, actionable steps, such as signing up for a course or researching destinations. Setting new goals gives you something positive to look forward to and helps you concentrate on the possibilities that lie ahead.

9. Forgive Yourself and Your Ex

Holding onto resentment can hinder your ability to move on. Work on forgiving both yourself and your ex, even if it feels difficult. Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning their actions; rather, it’s about releasing the emotional burden. For example, you could write a letter to your ex (without sending it) expressing any lingering feelings and then letting go. Practicing forgiveness frees you from negative emotions and allows you to start healing with an open heart and a sense of peace.

10. Consider Professional Support if Needed

If you’re struggling to cope with the breakup, seeking professional help can provide valuable support. A therapist can help you process your emotions, develop coping strategies, and work through unresolved issues. Therapy offers a safe space to express your feelings without judgment and gain insights into your healing process. There’s no shame in reaching out for help, and it can make a significant difference in your recovery.

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FAQ

How long does it typically take to get over a breakup?

The time it takes to get over a breakup varies for each person. Some may feel better in a few weeks, while others may take months or even a year. The healing process depends on factors like the length of the relationship, emotional attachment, and personal coping mechanisms.

What are the stages of getting over a breakup?

Many people experience stages similar to grief, including denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages aren’t linear, and it’s common to move back and forth between them as you process your emotions.

Is it okay to start dating again soon after a breakup?

Only you can determine when you’re ready to start dating again. Take time to reflect on your emotional readiness and confirm that you’re not using dating as a way to avoid dealing with unresolved feelings from your previous relationship.