Breakups can be emotionally overwhelming, and the healing process is often complicated and unique to each person. There’s no universal answer to the question, “How long does it take to get over a breakup?” because it depends on several factors, from the length and intensity of the relationship to one’s personality and support system. This article discusses the various factors that impact healing, psychological wisdom on why breakups are so painful, and friendly advice on moving forward after a breakup.

How Long Does It Take to Get Over a Breakup?

The duration of the healing process after a breakup varies widely. For some, it may take a few weeks, while for others, it can be several months or even a year. A study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that, on average, people reported feeling “recovered” about 11 weeks post-breakup, but this duration can change based on several personal factors.

Factors That Influence Healing Duration

Length of the Relationship: Longer relationships often leave a stronger emotional impact as people have built more memories and shared experiences. Letting go of such an extensive connection can take time.

Depth of Emotional Attachment: Strong attachments and deep feelings take longer to unravel. If the relationship involves intense emotional investment, the healing period might be extended.

Reason for the Breakup: How the breakup happened affects recovery. For example, mutual breakups may allow for a faster healing process than a betrayal or unexpected breakup, which can bring additional hurt and confusion.

Personality Traits and Coping Style: People who are naturally resilient and optimistic may bounce back more quickly, while those who ruminate or internalize emotions may find it takes longer to let go of the pain.

Support System: A strong support system of friends and family can accelerate the healing process. Having others to rely on provides comfort and prevents feelings of isolation.

Self-Identity and Self-Worth: Those who define their identity independently from the relationship may heal faster, while people who lose confidence or self-worth due to the breakup may need more time to rebuild their self-esteem.

Psychological Perspective on Breakup Recovery

Psychologists view breakups as a form of grief. According to the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—individuals move through these stages at their own pace after a breakup. While some may reach acceptance quickly, others may find themselves revisiting stages like anger or bargaining multiple times.

Attachment theory also offers insights into why breakups are painful. When people form attachments, their brain produces “feel-good” hormones like oxytocin and dopamine, strengthening the bond. The loss of this connection creates an emotional and chemical void, which is why breakups feel physically painful. Healing involves processing these emotions, forming new routines, and building self-worth outside the relationship.

Getting Over a Breakup

1. Allow Yourself to Grieve Fully

Give yourself permission to feel every emotion—anger, sadness, frustration, or even relief. Suppressing these feelings can make the healing process longer. Let yourself grieve without judgment, comprehending that these emotions are a natural part of moving forward.
Example: Dedicate time each day to write or discuss your feelings. Acknowledge each emotion at your own pace, as taking time to process allows you to move forward with clarity.

2. Reframe Negative Thoughts and Build Self-Compassion

It’s common to blame yourself after a breakup, but negative self-talk only prolongs the pain. Instead, concentrate on reframing thoughts and showing yourself kindness. Recall that the breakup doesn’t define your worth and that mistakes are part of the human experience.

Example: If you find yourself thinking, “I’ll never be good enough,” challenge this thought by reminding yourself, “I am valuable and deserving of love.” Practicing self-compassion reinforces positive self-esteem and makes healing smoother.

3. Create New Routines and Set Personal Goals

Breakups disrupt routines, often leaving a void. Fill this gap by creating new, enjoyable routines that help you feel fulfilled. Setting small personal goals can also create a sense of purpose and accomplishment, helping you reclaim control over your life.

Example: Try setting a weekly goal, like reading a new book, learning a skill, or studying a hobby. Concentrating on something positive and improving helps shift your priority from the relationship to your own growth.

This photo is used to represent how long does it take to get over a breakup.

4. Limit Contact with Your Ex (and Social Media)

Limiting contact with your ex can help you heal faster. Constant reminders of them or seeing updates on social media may reopen old wounds, making it harder to move on. Consider unfollowing or muting them for a period to give yourself space.

Example: Delete or mute your ex’s profile on social media temporarily to avoid seeing posts that could trigger painful memories. This digital boundary allows you to concentrate on healing without distractions.

5. Seek Support from Friends and Family

Reaching out to trusted friends or family members offers emotional support and prevents loneliness. Talking with others can provide new perspectives and comfort, reminding you that you’re not alone in the healing process.

Example: Plan regular hangouts with friends or have weekly phone calls with a family member. Staying connected helps maintain a sense of stability and allows you to express your feelings openly.

6. Practice Mindfulness to Stay Present

It’s easy to get lost in “what if” thoughts after a breakup, but mindfulness can help you stay grounded. Concentrating on the present moment reduces ruminating on the past and prevents anxiety about the future, enabling emotional peace.

Example: Start each day with a 5-minute mindfulness meditation, concentrating on your breath. This practice helps center your thoughts, reducing the urge to dwell on past events.

7. Concentrate on Self-Care and Physical Well-Being

Breakups take a toll on emotional and physical health, so prioritize self-care. Exercise, nutritious meals, and adequate sleep help regulate emotions, reduce stress, and create a sense of well-being.

Example: Try incorporating a simple exercise routine, like a daily walk or yoga practice. Physical activity releases endorphins, which boost mood and alleviate some of the sadness associated with breakups.

8. Reframe the Breakup as an Opportunity for Growth

Reflect on what you’ve learned from the relationship and breakup. Identifying these lessons can help you grow emotionally and enter future relationships with more self-awareness and resilience.

Example: If the breakup taught you about setting boundaries or expressing needs, consider how you’ll apply these lessons moving forward. Turning the experience into a growth opportunity empowers you to heal positively.

9. Allow Yourself to Take Things Slowly

Healing is not a race; it’s okay to take time. Trying to rush or distract yourself completely may backfire, as unprocessed feelings can resurface later. Accept that healing is a gradual trip, and be patient with yourself.

Example: Set a personal reminder that it’s okay to have good days and bad days. Allowing yourself grace through ups and downs promotes emotional resilience.

10. Consider Talking with a Therapist

Therapy can be immensely helpful for managing the complicated emotions associated with breakups. A therapist provides support, perspective, and coping strategies that guide you through the healing process.

Example: Therapists often guide you in building new habits, challenging negative thoughts, and setting boundaries, making them valuable allies in your trip to moving on.

Breakups can feel overwhelming, but healing is possible with time, patience, and self-care. Whether it takes weeks or months, recognize that each day is a step forward. By concentrating on growth, surrounding yourself with support, and nurturing yourself emotionally, you’ll emerge stronger, ready for new beginnings and self-discovery.

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FAQ

How long does it typically take to get over a breakup?

The healing process varies. Studies show it may take about 11 weeks on average, but some people may need longer, especially after a long-term relationship. The duration depends on individual factors like emotional investment and support systems.

Is it normal to still miss my ex months after the breakup?

Yes, it’s common to miss someone even after time has passed. Breakups are emotional transitions, and some feelings may linger. Missing your ex doesn’t mean you aren’t healing—it’s a normal part of moving forward.

How can I tell if I’m really over the breakup?

Signs you’re healing include fewer thoughts about your ex, reduced emotional reactions, and more emphasis on personal goals. When you find joy in your own life and feel ready for new experiences, you’re likely on the path to closure.