“Are you feeling jealous or envious?” While these emotions are often used interchangeably, they have distinct psychological differences. Comprehending them is crucial because these feelings can strain relationships and damage self-esteem if left unchecked.
Similarities Between Jealousy and Envy
1. Both Stem from Comparison
Both emotions arise when we compare ourselves with others, whether it’s their achievements, relationships, or possessions.
2. Triggered by Insecurity
Jealousy and envy often stem from a lack of self-confidence or feelings of inadequacy.
3. Can Harm Relationships
Left unchecked, these emotions can cause resentment, mistrust, and conflict.
4. Psychological Impact
Both can lead to feelings of stress, sadness, and frustration, affecting mental well-being.
How Psychology Views Jealousy and Envy
Jealousy:
Psychologists see jealousy as a response to a perceived threat to something valued (e.g., a relationship). It’s often linked to attachment styles and self-esteem.
Envy:
Envy is considered a social comparison emotion. Social psychologists highlight that envy can be either destructive (“malicious envy”) or motivational (“benign envy”), depending on how we manage it.
Differences Between Jealousy and Envy
| Aspect | Jealousy | Envy |
| Focus | Fear of losing something you already have (e.g., a relationship) | Wanting something someone else has (e.g., success or wealth) |
| Emotion Type | Involves three people (e.g., you, your partner, and a third person) | Involves two people (you and the person you envy) |
| Primary Feeling | Fear and insecurity | Desire and resentment |
| Common Trigger | Threat to a relationship or status | Social comparison (someone’s success, possessions, or lifestyle) |
| Example | Feeling threatened when your partner spends time with someone else | Feeling bitter when a colleague gets promoted and you don’t |
Is Jealousy Worse Than Envy?
Both emotions can be harmful, but jealousy often leads to possessiveness and controlling behaviors, which can severely damage relationships. Envy, on the other hand, if managed positively, can inspire personal growth and self-improvement.
How to Cope with Jealousy and Envy
Coping with Jealousy
1. Identify the Root Cause
Ask yourself: “What am I afraid of losing?” Often, jealousy stems from insecurities or unresolved trust issues.
2. Communicate Openly
If your jealousy involves a relationship, express your feelings calmly without accusations. Example: “I felt uncomfortable when you… Can we talk about it?”
3. Build Self-Confidence
Hire in activities that boost your self-esteem, such as learning new skills or practicing self-care.
4. Practice Trust and Let Go of Control
Jealousy often stems from control issues. Trust your loved ones and allow them personal freedom.
Example: Emma feels insecure when her partner, Mark, compliments a colleague. Instead of accusing him, she says:
“I felt a little insecure when you praised her. Can you reassure me about our connection?”
Coping with Envy
1. Turn Envy into Motivation
Instead of resenting someone’s success, use it as inspiration. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from their experience?”
2. Limit Social Media Comparison
Social media can amplify envy, so reduce your exposure to content that triggers negative feelings.
3. Practice Gratitude
Concentrate on what you already have. Keep a gratitude journal to shift from envy to appreciation.
4. Celebrate Others’ Successes
Congratulating someone’s success encourages positive relationships and reduces feelings of resentment.
Example: John envies his friend’s career success. Instead of staying bitter, he asks:
“Can you share how you achieved that promotion? I’d love to learn from your experience.”
Both jealousy and envy are normal human emotions, but if left unchecked, they can harm relationships and self-esteem. By comprehending their differences, acknowledging their roots, and applying healthy coping strategies, you can turn these emotions into opportunities for growth, self-awareness, and stronger connections.
Watch and Read!
- “The Jealousy Cure” by Robert L. Leahy
- “Emotional Intelligence 2.0” by Travis Bradberry
- “Daring Greatly” by Brené Brown
- “Amadeus” (1984)
- “Single White Female” (1992)
- “The Social Network” (2010)
FAQs
Yes. Healthy jealousy can show that you care, and benign envy can motivate you to improve yourself.
Both can lead to resentment and conflict, but addressing feelings openly can strengthen trust and experience.
Absolutely. Therapists help identify the root causes and develop coping strategies for managing these emotions.
